Flute
I took up the Chinese flute for my last elective. Things I learnt:
1. Playing the flute is not as easy as it looks.
2. I can't play the flute well.
3. The flute is not as elegant as it looks.
4. The way I play it, my flute sounds like a dying duck, on steroids.
5. Replacing the membrane is such a hassle.
This is how my first lesson went...
Instructor (Ins): *demonstrates how to hold flute* Ok, you put you fingers here, and here, and here, and here. Make sure you cover all the holes. Airtight, ok?
Me: *thinks* wtf? I need, like, rubber fingers to do what he is doing... nnnnggghhhhh, struggles to stretch fingers to cover the holes... Ah ow ow ow... cramp....
Ins: Ok? Let me see.... No no no, not like that. *grins* Like this *grabs my fingers and forcibly moves them into the right position*
Me: *grimaces, ow ow ow ow* wtf does he think he's trying to do? *pretends to look enlightened* Oh, ok, like that...
Ins: Now, put your lips to the mouthpiece and blow, like this. *wooooooooo.....* Looks easy right?
Me: *tries vainly* *whsssssshh...wshsssshhsssshh...shssshhwwssshhsssss...* Gah! Wtf?
Ins: No no no. Not like that. Must touch your lips to it exactly in the centre, see. Use you lips to feel the mouthpiece, right in the centre, then blow, smoothly.... *woooooooooo.....*
Me: *thinks* let's try that again. *feels for centre of mouthpiece with lower lip* ok... *wshhhsshhssssssss...shshhshwwsshshsshshhs...stupid flute... shshhshshhshshswonk!*
Ins: There! You got it.
Me: *shwshshhshshshhshssssWOOOOONNNNKKKKKshshhssww..* huh? how come your's went 'woooooooo' but mine goes 'woooonnnkkkkk', like a car horn???
Ins: Oh? I've been playing for 22 years.
Me: pbbth...What? You mean I need to play for 20 years to get the sound to be like yours!!!???
Ins: Errr, no lar, only abt 12 years. Don't worry, very fast one.
Me: *jaw drops, eyes bulge* *wtf , i just bought an instrument that's gonna take me 12 years to learn?* *turns pale*
Ins: hahhahahhahhaha, just kidding. Don't look so shocked. Your flute sounds like that coz the membrane not taut enough. Here, let me show you....
Me: *unclenches fist, exhales, takes deep breath.*
May the Force be with you. |